Chaos

UK was amazing.

2010-04-18T21:57:00.002-04:00

So I had the time of my life over in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales, but more about that later.

I had an idea while flipping through an issue of Rolling Stone today. It involved an epiphany that went sort of like this:

I don't really know why I read/subscribe to RS. I don't agree with them on music, movies, or politics. I almost just skim through it, occasionally read half an article, and roll my eyes. Everything I read in there sparks a thousand different comments (or parodies). So today, while reading 40 reasons to be excited about music (35 of which are more likely to get me excited about jumping off a cliff), I had the idea to start a blog where I disagree with, agree with, or (the most likely) poke fun at Rolling Stone. Starting of course with this last issue, particularly that list. I'll be starting a new blog for it, so those of you who (don't) read this can just head on over there, that means you, Mr. Nobody and his friend, Ms. Doesn'texist.

Kisses and smacks,
Jes.

Tale as old as time....

2010-03-28T22:00:00.002-04:00

Last show of Beauty and the Beast was at 4 today. I'm sad, but happy at the same time. It was a really good experience. Senior letters (which made everyone else cry) made me smile, so props to Mike, Kayleigh, Katie, Bryan, Francine, and JP. (Did I forget anyone?) I'll miss all those graduating of course, but life must always move forward, so no use getting stuck on crying about how things have to end eventually. Everything's eventual, after all. Now to get back to real life, which involves LOTS of calculus and tons of packing seeing as I LEAVE THURSDAY. Four days in London, a day in Edinburgh, a day in Wales, and four days in Ireland. It's going to be magical.

Hugs and kisses,
the corkscrew/bartender Jes.

Such fun.

2010-02-16T14:40:00.002-05:00

At play practice. We're blocking, and there's not exactly a corkscrew in this scene so I'm just sitting here typing up an essay for AP Lang that's kicking my ass at the moment. An analysis of the Sullivan Ballou Letter. Not fun at all. Thesis is essentially that he loves his wife but thinks he's going to die fighting in the Civil War. Nice and depressing.

Also doing some nice amazon shopping...even though my recommendations are filled with hair metal after that 80s party I had. Oh well...(good excuse). I've been getting the most wicked headaches lately, for the past two weeks. Plus I keep getting these odd pains in my right wrist and hand.

"Never turn your back to the audience. They could be flipping you off, for all you know."

Sometimes I wonder.
Jes.

Oh damn.

2010-02-13T19:35:00.002-05:00

So it's been snowing pretty much all week, therefore I only had to go to school twice. Sweet. Also Butch Walker is apparently touring, and all dates that are within 5 hours driving distance of where I live are:
a) during tech week
b) actually on opening night.
Frick. Even though my part in Beauty and the Beast is not that big, those are rehearsals I can't miss. Or, um, shows. So I'll have to catch the next one. So he better tour again, or I will forever curse Beauty and the Beast. Yes, forever. Or until I get over it, which I'm sure I eventually will when I have something else to be angrier at. OH WELL. Life goes on I suppose.
I have to figure out the best way to get checks from dad for
a) the balance on my class ring
b) bus to JFK & London passes
c) balance on my yearbook (you'd think they'd give us a discount for actually MAKING the damn yearbook, but apparently not)
d) the play.

Plus I need to sell $200 worth of ads. Which I still don't have the papers for.
And other than that I need to
a) write an essay for AP Lang
b) do other shit
c) stop making a, b, c lists.

Jes.

1st semester is finally over.

2010-01-24T23:22:00.002-05:00

I survived AP Bio and AP US History. I know, you're proud of me. I got a B in both...which I'm okay with. I was gonna throw myself a nice little pity party until I calculated that my GPA will remain a 4.4. So my class rank shouldn't change too much if it does at all. Thank god. Now I get to take AP Lang which is the AP class that I actually WANTED to take and didn't just suffer through for the hell of my GPA. Unweighted? I have a 3.8. Not too shabby.

Lost the 1st disc of the copy of Physical Graffiti that Emily burned for me. BAD JES. Also finally got around to ripping those CDs that have been sitting on my floor since before I had a job. Oh dear. Long time. Except the one I lent to Taylor...Need that back but I'm too oddly neurotic to ask for it, because then I'd have to say the name of it. Which I'm not going to do. =] I'll let you guess, nonexistant person.

What was I endlessly rambling on about? Oh yes, I get to take 2 English classes this semester. Damn, almost all of my electives have been English. Except Forensic Science, which was pretty fun. Especially the blood spatter and serial killers. ANYWHO. My Amazon recommendations are currently full of 80s hair metal...I could explain why, but...long story.

OH and I visited Princeton with Emily and Kerry, and I liked it a lot more than I expected it to. It really surprised me how down to earth the people there were, how grounded and well...cool. Absolutely gorgeous campus, I adore the buildings with a passion. I could amuse myself for years just looking at them all. The town there is fantastic as well. Lots of squirrels there.

G'night,
Jes

I don't feel like...

2010-01-02T00:33:00.002-05:00

Reading.
Writing.
Watching a movie.
Listening to music.
Sleeping.
Or any of my other usual time-wasters.
My Cds are all over the place, I haven't been putting anything new away so my alphabetizing is not what it was. I need to clean my room like you wouldn't believe, but I hate doing it so I'll put it off for as long as I can. Going to see "Nine" with Emily tomorrow (hopefully...we've been trying to all week). Maybe if I'm lucky, I can figure out some places to apply to as well. Oh dear. I do not like job hunting, not at all. I have a book I should finish but well, I just don't really feel like it. Hah. If I finish it I should probably start Dracula or Alice in Wonderland, both of which I really wanted to read. Or ooh, Paradise Lost.

I am such a dork. I was watching 100 Most Shocking Music Moments on Vh1 with my dad and all I did was sit there and correct grammar. And laugh.
Farewell my far more sane nonreaders,
Jessica Anne.

Two other things that I completely forgot to mention...

2009-12-30T17:54:00.002-05:00

Some extra tidbits for ye, imaginary readers.

#1: Colleges to visit! Finally narrowed down my list to 16 (not that there's no room for eliminating or adding any):
Emory University (fav of mine)
University of Pennsylvania (long shot, I know. Also the closest to home)
Fordham University
Fairfield University
Brown University (Stretchy mcstretch)
James Madison University
Georgetown University
Columbia University (Reeeeeaaach)
Boston College
Boston University
George Washington University
Northeastern University
Providence College
Gettysburg College
Ithaca College
Rice University (Farthest)

#2: 80's Party!
We played pin the heroin needle on the junkie, which was awesome. Taylor couldn't decide between 5 people so of course, we used them all. I'd tell you who, but I'd rather let you wonder. Then we played band charades. You would not even believe half of this, it was insane. Let's just say the charading of Culture Club involved the "hail hitler" sign. Loooong story.

So tomorrow's New Year's Eve, huh?

2009-12-30T17:41:00.002-05:00

Yep, Haley calls this day the Festival of Meepsorp. Whatever that means.
Just finished watching the first two hours of VH1's dandy "100 Most Shocking Music Moments"
Ozzy Osbourne snorted ants? Huh.
So it just goes to prove that I haven't fully defeated some of my more pesky anxiety issues that I can't buy certain CDs in public, I have to do it from my computer where no one can judge me. Except maybe the government *shifty eyes*. OH WELL. I'll get over it someday. Slowly. Just like everything else. I can't even search them, I just manipulate amazon so that they show up in my recommendations. Oh these guilty pleasures of mine.
So I need to look for a new job. Applied at the movie theater again. So we'll see how that goes. I like having money, plus even though my parents constantly tell me that I don't need a job, they turn around and moan about how expensive college is and so on and so forth. So how am I supposed to not feel pressured to save some money? Plus, my teenage girl instincts take over when it comes to shopping. Not having spending money is torturous.
Saw Sherlock Holmes with Liz and Taylor last night, got in free cause Liz works at the movie theater we went to (same one I applied to). It was pretty good but I was so damn tired at that point that I was just waiting for it to be over. But mm, Robert Downey Jr. Haha.

It's taken me years and years to build up my writing finesse. Nice to see that I'm putting absolutely none of those skills to use here.
A hug, a kiss, and an odd squeal,
Jes.

Ugh.

2009-11-01T21:04:00.002-05:00

So I've been sick all week and had to call out at work Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday. Turns out I was scheduled for Sunday morning, but of course since I've been sick, I haven't been able to get into work to check my schedule. Fortunately my manager just marked me out sick. But it turns out I'm actually scheduled 5 days this week. I thought I was supposed to be working part time? So yeah, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. Oh, and Sunday which I ended up not doing. But yeah, and Saturday I have an 8 hour shift too. Not fun. Plus it's the same day as homecoming and I'm of course working 1-9. So I don't get to go this year either. Not that it's a big deal to me, but I don't know, I actually kind of had plans this year. Kind of my fault for not requesting off though.

It's been...

2009-10-31T14:46:00.003-04:00

...two years since I stopped believing in God.
...almost a year since I lost one of my best friends.
...a week since I lost any sense of who I was.

But there's only one of those things I want back. I have so much to say to so many people but I can barely move. I can barely think.

Perhaps it's because speaking things like this aloud is admitting them, realizing that they're real. Perhaps it's because I'm afraid of people's reactions. Or perhaps it's because I just don't trust anyone. I don't trust myself either.

So allow me to say the things I need to say, to no one, because it's not as though I can say them to the people I wish could hear.

#1: You say you don't want to because we're not even dating, you barely know me. Well, it's not as though you want to date me or know me. So stop pretending that this is a favor to me, because it isn't. Maybe it's because you'd like to place yourself higher morally, but that's not for me, now is it? Your wishes? Fine, they're yours. But stop trying to hide behind concern for me, because that's not what it is at all. If you really gave a shit about me, maybe you'd want to know me. But you don't care. You don't want to get to know me, you don't want anything to do with me unless it's a secret. You just go around and make me feel small, naive, inferior. And then you ignore me. If fucking around is all this is, so be it. I mean it when I say I'm perfectly all right with that. But stop pretending that I'm not letting you make it into something else. Stop keeping me in this limbo, because I've had it with guys who won't just be straight with me. But I'll give you what you claim you want anyway:
First off, I like my music, and I'm attached to it. I feel connected to it, and it means more to me than just something fun to listen to. So shut the fuck up about it. Your taste in music is awful and basically just "whatever's on the radio," so stop belittling something I care about because you don't feel the same way.
I've got a thing for words. I write a lot. I read. I care about things that you probably don't. Drinking isn't my thing, I happen to like having my wits about me, I'm more comfortable that way, I enjoy myself more. You, however, like me better when you're drunk. I'm not sure what that says. I also play piano, and yeah, I care about my grades. I'm not the type of person that's got all of these plans for the future, most of my plans don't extend beyond tomorrow. But I don't spend much time in the past either. If I want something, I go for it as soon as it's obtainable. But I'm stubborn, I don't quit at something I know I can do (or think, at least). I'm an adrenaline junkie. I'm intensely afraid of spiders and dentists. I'd rather stay in and spend time with one person than go out and party. I like rainy days and the autumn. I couldn't live anywhere where it's always sunny. I have obsessive compulsive tendencies, anxiety, and clinical depression. But that's mine to deal with. When I'm angry, upset, or just feeling restless, I sleep. For months at a time I'll barely sleep at all without taking a pill for it. I've got a vivid imagination and put myself into situations I've never been in (and likely never will be) and I do so in such a way that it changes my perspective on everything. I think in verses and passages when I'm feeling a certain way. I pace when I'm thinking, unless there's a swing set nearby. I dance, not that I'm very good at it. I've got a strong will and a lot of ambition but I still don't know exactly what to do with either. I don't take anything at face value, but I don't dwell on insignificant things (see: high school drama). I either get straight to the point without bullshit or dance around it endlessly. I'm so sarcastic it's practically illegal.
Now you know me.

I'd finish this, but I have to go explain to my mother why I can't work tonight.

Driving myself crazy right now.

2009-09-24T18:43:00.002-04:00

Have 10 IDs, 3 essays, and a DBQ for AP US 2 tomorrow.
A test in AP Bio.
And one in Forensics.
And my Religion class is like kindergarten. Seriously. We're making SNOW GLOBES. With glitter and jars and foam.
And I can't bring myself to do any work or study.
I have problems.
Also, can't find anyone who'll go to fall ball (as in a concert, not a dance) with me. Grr.
Also, my nose hurts.
I basically have ADD right now.
Had work Monday, Wednesday, and again tomorrow night. I feel like a lost little kid clocking in and going upstairs to do training on a computer by myself for a 4 hour shift, then awkwardly sitting on a bench and doing nothing during my break. It's great though, just great.

Babies and brothels.

2009-09-18T21:26:00.002-04:00

I am so close to exploding with frustration today. My school laptop had to get re-imaged, so now I have that annoying program where teachers can see what you're doing installed on it. I have three whiteheads, which is a breakout with my skin. I ran into people I didn't want to at least 4 TIMES today. I was too restless to listen to music (I know, surprising). I skipped dance and lied to my mom about it. I'm restless and bored and it's pissing me off. Most things are pissing me off today. Things that haven't even come up or affected me in any way today. Like hard boiled eggs and Hayden Panetierre. Both are currently pissing me off.

I must have gone slightly more insane. And I have orientation for work tomorrow. Fun. Get to get up nice and early on a Saturday morning after the first full school week. I'm going to die this year, I swear. Can't take AP bio and AP history...UGH. Fortunately, my religion class is pointless enough to be a study hall.

Things I loathe with a passion

2009-09-13T22:43:00.002-04:00

At the top of my list at this moment would have to be Green Day. Why'd they have to release a new album and get up in my face again? I was much happier hating them in the background. Now they go and win a VMA (I wouldn't even know any of the results of those if I didn't go on yahoo answers) and everyone thinks they're so amazing. And they're making a rock band of them? Or was it guitar hero? Fucking stupid. Aerosmith, Metallica, the Beatles...those I get. But fucking Green Day? Ugh. Shut the fuck up, Billie Joel Armstrong. No one cares what your politics are or how much you hate America even though you're (this may shock you) FUCKING AMERICAN.

Ugh. God I hate Green Day.
I also hate Dave Matthew's Band.
And CSI.

Mm.

2009-09-06T20:10:00.002-04:00

Hm. What has been going on lately?
Well, I got a job at Shop Rite, was going to try to get my working papers in by Tuesday but a.) my doctor can't get me in for a physical until the 15th and b.) Lenape gave me the wrong working papers. I don't go there, and little did I know that meant I needed different working papers. For some reason my working papers have to be through them, which is just kind of stupid, but whatever.
Had my sweet 16 last night, was pretty fun. There were giant cupcakes that no one could finish involved and band charades (which went a lot smoother this time around). Got a zebra print snuggie (yes, that's right, snuggie) from Kerry, which is awesome. I'd be wearing it right now but it's currently hot as balls in an oven in my room.
And I currently have like, 15 CDs to rip but I'm far too lazy to do that because it just takes TOO MUCH DAMN ENERGY to put CDs into the drive on my computer. Yeeeeeep.

Oh, did I mention?

2009-09-01T16:38:00.002-04:00

About that order that disappeared from my credit card, after I ordered the one item they were still selling again, I get an email saying the order shipped! And I got recharged, fun. Had to get that card shut off due to asshats and get a new one. This should be a pain in the ass and a half, considering I already had the number of the old one memorized.

Asshats, asshats, everywhere.

Goddammit.

2009-09-01T16:34:00.002-04:00

You add one thing to your shopping cart on Amazon, who knew it would end up giving you SO MANY RECOMMENDATIONS THAT YOU DON'T WANT. I mean like, 5 pages worth. I like recommendations, because they remind me of things I intended to buy but completely forgot about, as well as suggesting things. BUT NOW. Ugh. I'm considering marking it as a gift (from Jes to Jes) so they'll get rid of these crazy things. But I don't know that I can lie to Amazon. It's like a good friend.

It's the catch-22 of all catch-22's, huh?
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

(Who the fuck cares this much?)
(Me, thanks.)
Jes.

The internet must die.

2009-08-19T14:30:00.002-04:00

Ever order something online and then have said order canceled? And NOT received an email or any notification of the cancellation? Well, it pisses me off! Not to mention that when I go back to said website to see if I can place the order again, they're no longer selling one of the things I ordered. Are you shitting me? No, apparently not.

The internet must die. Or at least that one website.
An email would be nice, you know. GRRRRRR.

The only way I even found out they canceled it was by checking my card's balance online and seeing that a certain $47 SUDDENLY found it's way back into my account. Christ on a cracker, I swear.

Turns out I am a teenage girl.

2009-08-12T23:34:00.002-04:00

I was sort of dating this guy who I really like (still) and have for almost a year, we were never really defined as anything, but over the summer, I would try to talk to him (he spends the entire time on vacation) and we just eventually started talking less and less. Things more or less ended last night.
I'm not the type of person who claims to be heartbroken or makes a big deal over things like this, but I don't really like people very often and honestly, this just hurt. I'll move on pretty quickly, but I need a few days to wallow in self pity and have my best friend say things like "that sucks" and "I'm so sorry." Not things like "he's not into you, it happens" and "drop it and move on." Which is what my best friend is doing. Does she not understand the wallow period? It'll be fine, I'll get over it quickly. But really? Humor me, just for one day.

And don't tell me you can't hang out the next day because you have plans to watch Arthur (as in the aardvark) with three other people. Like I couldn't go with you. You just don't want me to.

*End bitchrant*
Jes.

Elitist Musical Bastards

2009-08-07T20:23:00.000-04:00

I found this article on Encyclopedia Dramatica when I was on vacation. It's hilarious and pretty damn true, and I felt like sharing it with no one, so here: http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Elitist_musical_bastards

Happy birthday,
Jes.

Illogical arguments never fail

2009-08-02T19:59:00.002-04:00

If there's one thing I hate more than anything, (spiders, dentists, and the Disney Channel are exceptions) it's arguing with idiots. Well, that's not quite fair, this person isn't really an IDIOT, but their arguments were sheer idiocy. The trouble is, when you're arguing with someone who is completely convinced that they're right and their opinion is the only that makes sense, you are fighting a losing battle.
The person I got into it with is a good friend of mine, but I'm argumentative today, and to be quite frank, her opinions in these matters were completely absurd.
Argument #1: Abortions and ear piercing.
Two unrelated things. Well, I was stating how I thought it was absurd that a 12 year old could get an abortion without parental consent or notification, but god forbid a 16 year old wants to get their ears pierced. My friend? Not so much. She thought it was personally reasonable. I explained to her that minors are not allowed to make their own medical decisions, and an abortion is quite clearly a major medical decision with possible psychological repercussions. She said that if someone gets an abortion, they need to be ready to deal with it on their own, and I argued that a minor is not always capable of this, which is why they're not able to make their own medical decisions in the first place, because they are not always capable of handling situations. I didn't even try to mention that a 12-year-old girl might not know what's best for her or what she really wants in the first place, because my friend was so convinced that there wasn't a single differing opinion on the matter that made sense.
Argument # 2: Divorce and children.
Somehow we got onto the subject of Jon and Kate Plus 8 and how they're divorcing. My friend said that it should be easier on the kids because there are so many of them, that at least they have each other. I'm sorry, what? Divorce is easier on kids if there are more of them? I get that they have each other, but most of these kids aren't old enough to comprehend why mom and dad don't live together anymore. I argued that if anything, it would make the kids feel even more juggled and hassled than they were before. I don't know, maybe I'm seeing it wrong, but it is divorce really easier on kids if there are more kids in a family?
Argument #3: Tampons.
Yes, that's right, we got into it about tampons. My friend refuses to buy tampons with plastic applicators because it's bad for the environment. But when we were at the grocery store today and a plastic bag blows by in the wind, my eco-warrior friend does not pick said bag up and throw it away or save it for future use, she kicks it. When I mentioned this to her, she said it wasn't the same thing, because buying plastic applicator tampons gives companies incentive to keep producing them. Fair enough, but doesn't using the plastic bags at the grocery store give a store more incentive to keep producing them? After all, if no one's using them, I doubt a store would keep making them and wasting money. She says "Don't even argue with me about this," like it's absolutely ridiculous that I would suggest these were essentially the same thing.

So I went home. I'm not in the mood to be having nothing fights all day long. Plus we were watching "America's Best Dance Crew." Apparently it's not dull and absolutely moronic. That's news to me. But I think that's just a blown up conspiracy theory. If you don't believe me, just listen to the judges on there SPEAK. Better yet, just find out who they are. JC? Who are they kidding?

Jes.

2009-06-26T23:59:00.002-04:00

There's a baby bird that can't fly out on the driveway. Poor thing has barely even opened his eyes yet. I sat out there for an hour or so just holding and talking to him. Moved him under the tree, but he's probably going to die. =[ I feel so bad, poor baby.

Ahhh I need money like it's nobody's business. Stupid child labor laws. Instead I'm doing odd jobs for my dad. Still have to ask my mom if I can clean for money. Great. She owes me $40 for spilling bleach all over my hoodie. Which they no longer make. Thanks mom.

Oh look, it's summer.

2009-06-21T19:54:00.003-04:00

I haven't been on livejournal in months, and I couldn't be happier about that. No more secrets posts, no more uptight and self-important people forming their exclusive fan bases and knowing every single detail about people's lives (and pulling this information from god-knows where). I keep asking myself if I'd like to go back there, and the answer quite frankly was and is no.

I got a new computer, which is lovely. I wonder when they're coming out with ZuneHDs, I'm running out of space on mine but I'm not just gonna buy a 20g when they're coming out with new ones. Unlike apple, they tell you about these things ahead of time so you don't waste your money. Thank you mircosoft.

Still have to install my corel psp onto this computer. Ah.

This is fun.

2009-05-27T19:27:00.003-04:00

I'm sick so I slept half the day and didn't get a chance to take my meds, so I'm basically somewhere between spaced out and unconscious. I have a religion paper that was due, oh, TODAY that I still haven't done yet, not that being out was an excuse because I should have emailed it to her, I'm close to not even bothering since not taking my meds fucks me up and leaves me with the attention span of half of a goldfish...the half without a brain, that is. And I still need to do the dishes and clean my room, which I can't leave because my sister is having some meltdown over something so completely RIDICULOUS most people would cry if they knew what it was. Of course, her BITCHFITS are so epic that she'll probably stab or gauge the eyes out of anyone who gets in her way. And I'm being completely and totally serious, which is sad.

Incoherent? Most likely.
Jes.

Are people really that stupid?

2009-05-23T20:59:00.003-04:00

Here's a memo to, well, the world:

Posting things about alcohol/drinking on any internet profile when you're underage is a BAD IDEA. True, no one goes around and polices every teenager who posts something about drinking on the internet, but one day it could bite you in the ass. Use some discretion. So maybe it never does come back to you, doesn't change the fact that it's just plain trashy.

Oh, and posting things about doing/enjoying drugs is also not a great idea.

Where did people get this warped idea that they're untouchable and that their actions at one period in their life won't affect them later? 'Cause things like that don't make you look "fun" or "cool" to colleges you apply to or future employers.

So EVERYONE does these things? Well, guess what, maybe they don't want people who are stupid enough to MAKE IT PUBLIC. It displays neither tact nor class. And those will get you a lot further than being fun to party with.

Way to go.
Jes.

Mother's day.

2009-05-10T14:21:00.002-04:00

My favorite. My mother sure knows how to make it clear what she wants. She's not too keen on spending time together "as a family" so that can't be it. All I've gotten out of her so far is "vacuum upstairs." And we get to go to my sister's place of work for lunch/dinner. I doubt my mother even wants to go.

Well, I've gotta see what the weather will be like in New York on Wednesday.

Wow, I really hate insomnia.

2009-05-08T01:47:00.001-04:00

I also really hate having to BS my way through an essay. I can never do it fast enough, and I always feel like I'm a bit too full of it. Yeah, really.

My ear hurts, which means it's probably infected. But I'll probably just do what I do with everything (and everyone) that I don't want to deal with...ignore it until it goes away?
Never works.

OH WELL.

Oh, and I still have "Atlanta, books, and get" written on my arm. Won't come off. The three aren't related.

Atlanta's because I got Rachel a postcard since she has some sort of fetish when I had a 7484573 (i.e. 4) hour layover in ATL and still haven't given it too her.

Books: I borrowed some of Esme's and need to give them back.

Get: Must seek revenge on Emily for a comment she made last week pertaining to flannel pants. But she would see it, so I had to be cryptic. Yeah, a week's a bit late, but I have to make sure she doesn't remember that I'm seeking revenge on her. I almost forgot what it was even about. Oh well, point is...well, there's not much of one.

What am I raving on about?
Huh.

Jes.

If you get any nosier, I'm going to rip it off.

2009-05-04T19:49:00.002-04:00

General nosiness does not bother me.

This sort of nosiness makes me want to locate the nearest cliff. They're not easy to find around here.

You know how you mention you have a song stuck in your head, and whoever's around automatically asks what song? Well, sometimes if it's something I KNOW they aren't going to know, I'll just say "It's just some random song," so they won't ask anymore. Well, guess what? Some people still do. Example of the biggest pain in the ass on the face of the planet:

Asshat: What's it called.
Me: *insert song title*
Asshat: Well, who's it by?
Me: *insert band/artist name*
Asshat: No idea who that is.
(Sometimes, I'll just automatically suggest that people won't know who it is anyway, especially if it's some no-one's-ever-heard-of-them-and-they-don't-even-exist-anymore type of band.)
Me: Right.
Asshat: Sing part of it.
Me: *Actually says* I'll pass. *Wants to say* If I could, I'd make a balloon animal out of it and shove it up your ass instead.
Asshat: Well, who are they?
Me: Already told you.
Asshat: I know, but I mean, like, people.
Me: *proceeds to name whoever is in said band, if applicable.*
Asshat: *Blank stare* Who?
Do they want some kind of biography?
This is one person in particular, most people shut up once they realize they don't know who/what you're talking about. And maybe they weren't THAT nosy but it took me a full five minutes to get them to shut up.

IN OTHER NEWS/not news, I have to go dice two tomatoes. I won't disclose why.

Let's make pandemic pancakes.

2009-05-01T12:54:00.003-04:00

I wasn't allowed to go to school today because two people in my hometown (one of whom goes to my old middle school) came down with the SWINE FLU (OMG). So maybe my dad is overdoing this, but I find it funny that there are TONS of CDC confirmed cases of this in New Jersey, yet we don't show up on ANY of the news station maps for infected states. That leads me to believe that this is infecting far more people than the media is letting on, which is funny, because they're the ones causing all of the panic. It's a mystery. Like I said, maybe not allowing me to go to school is a bit overboard, but that's not something I'm going to fight my parents on, y'know?

In other news...I don't think I actually have any other news. Or at least nothing comes to mind. Not much of anything monumental has happened since I got back from Arizona...okay, that's not true, but nothing monumental has happened since the end of spring break. There we go, that's more accurate. Other than, you know, all of the monumental stuff.

By the way, when you're flying by yourself, it is a major pain in the ass to try and get from one terminal to the absolute farthest from it in George Bush Intercontinental in Houston. IN 20 MINUTES. But, on the plus side, since I flew back by myself, I didn't get stuck in Denver for 12 hours and come down with a stomach virus like all of Taylor's family did. They were supposed to get in to Philly an hour after me and didn't end up leaving Denver until 2 hours after I'd gotten home.

I could ramble about pointless things for the rest of the day, but I'd rather end this.

Love or something,
Jes.

Sunday Sunday.

2009-04-26T16:06:00.003-04:00

I didn't know it was legal for it to be this hot in Jersey. In the middle of spring. Supposed to be just as hot tomorrow, and wonderfully enough, my school has no air conditioning.

Went to a sweet sixteen for charity (charity: water) last night, brought home a fish named Ziggy. Woo. Have a DBQ to do. Spent all of Friday night playing Yahtzee and Jenga with Cara, hah.

Well this was boring.

Maybe next time I'll be a little more interesting for you.

Why the hell am I up?

2009-04-20T04:48:00.004-04:00

It's not even 5 on the morning I have to go back to school. It's either because I had a stomach virus two days ago, haven't been eating regularly and came close to eating my mattress out of starvation or simply because at one given moment my certifiably insane thoughts run at ten thousand miles an hour. Or a combination of both.

Things I happen to be thinking:

Apparently certain blood types are more likely to benefit from and choose vegetarianism. I think that's pretty interesting. Then again, I find anything in genetics interesting. Well, I find almost everything interesting.

Pornstaches seem to be popping up everywhere.

Apparently William Beckett is doing something artistical (don't even, I know it's there and I know it's not a word) with Demi Lovato? I don't have an opinion on this. That's shocking. Like, I really just don't have one. That's cool I guess? But it's kind of like...okay...so as long as someone is...I can't finish this thought without REALLY insulting one of them and I'd rather not do that, as I'd have to...kiss someone's twitterdick?

Well, a specific someone, but I'm TRYING VERY HARD not to picture that right now. I'll never sleep. But here is my rant on twitter:

Seriously, what is with all the twittering? It's ruined that word for me, which I used to use to describe the birdlike calls that came from people I consider, well, twits. I can also kiss the phrase "punch to the crotch" goodbye, because apparently now it would have to be "punch to the twittercrotch." I hate the idea of twitter, I think it's incredibly stupid. I don't care who you are NO ONE cares to know what you are doing every single second of every single day. I say this being fully aware of the fact that all five members of one of my favorite (did I just say one of my? Is my subconcious trying to tell me something? See paragraph following this.) bands has a twitter. If I wanted to know what you were doing or thinking that badly, I'd follow you around everywhere! Any rabid twitterers (hah) know what it's like to have an actual stalker? It's terrifying. Especially if you live in a state where it's illegal to carry a taser. Which brings up a 2nd amendment rant that is becoming all the more relevant, BUT LET'S NOT GO THERE. I'd rather not make political statements.

Yes, I said ONE OF MY. A lot of people have jumped to my shit list lately. Guess what, The Academy Is... are kind of walking a fine line. I get it, the internet provides endless possibilities for free publicity. No harm there? Wrong. Whoring yourself out like that, you either catch publicity gonorrhea or develop the flaw of the famous, the slightly famous, and the devil (see Paradise Lost). Which is probably more contagious than gonorrhea.

I know, you're all shaking in your lederhosen, because here I am, a fifteen year old girl, not sharing the same views as "celebrities" (can they be called that?) who I somewhat admire. Isn't it shocking to meet someone who doesn't bend their beliefs and interests to match those of people who inspire them? I don't have to share the same opinions on everything, because I am my own person. I'm the only one who thinks for me. It won't work any other way. I don't have to make myself exactly like ANYONE, nor do I want to.

Let's end on a better note though:

Life is the most beautiful gift anyone can give. Save lives, be an organ donor. There's no reason not to, and it's so easy.

If you have a driver's license and aren't an organ donor, you'll be receiving a punch to the crotch, twitter or otherwise, from yours truly.

Jes.

JUMPING JESUS ON A POGO STICK I FORGOT TO TAG.

Note: I'm not trying to offend anyone with this, honestly. It's a 4-5 am rant from someone who over thinks everything. The publicity comments especially, I'd delete them, but hey, I'm blunt and kind of an asshole. It's alright, you'll live. This could have been done with more tact, but they're my thoughts. Don't be fooled, I know that no one cares about my thoughts any more than the next person's. I'm not that naive. I feel all guilty now. APOLOGIES. If this hurt your feelings, feel free to email me: jabrum@gmail.com. I'll either apologize or tell you to grow up.

?

2009-03-12T23:44:00.002-04:00

So...he's fighting with his girlfriend? And responded to the question "What chance do you have of getting the person you like?" with "I kind of think I have her." Referring to her or me? Well, we'll see.

BITCHFEST TOMORROW!
In other words, Gabby, Kerry and Taylor (aka Tara, fake names are lame) are coming over to bake some stuff and complain about stuff no one gives about. Aka whine about our lives that don't actually suck. But whatever, I need it.

Perhaps I'm a bit too amused...

2009-03-10T18:35:00.004-04:00

...So for those who haven't tripped over this lovely bit of information Stephen King revealed the shocking news that Stephenie Meyer is not a good writer. I know, you're all shocked. And here I thought we had ourselves timeless classics.

Before beginning what is sure to be a longer rant than I intended, I would like to clarify that I have read the entire Harry Potter and Twilight series. I loved the former and survived the latter. I've also read works by Stephen King, the most recent being Salem's Lot (and first saw the movie "It" at age 3 and avoided storm drains for 10 years afterward). But let's start with Harry Potter.

Sorcerer's Stone was the first actual book (we're not counting picture-books here) that I read on my own, because my mother worked late and I didn't want to wait for her to get home every night to find out what happened. I was 5 at the time. I can honestly say that series is what got and kept me reading.

Twilight? I will not deny the storyline is somewhat addictive. The fact that you can tear through these books in a few hours helps to keep them entertaining. I am a teenage girl, so I was easily drawn in. But even while reading them, even while waiting to see what happened, I could tell I was reading genuine crap. Everyone needs to read a bit of that once in a while.

To dismiss points made by crazed Twilight fans, Stephen King ABSOLUTELY knows what he is talking about and can damn sure say whatever he wants. Not only because we have freedom of speech, but because he's renowned enough that he's in a position where criticizing, constructively or otherwise, is justified. Why? Because he's Stephen King. He's made a name for himself and proved himself an exceptional author and competent literary critic. It's also not uncommon to find music reviews he's written on my all-time favorite website, amazon.com. Also, those who claim he is jealous have no idea what they're talking about. As for movies, please refer to IMDB for a full list.

Stephenie Meyer is not a good writer. Success does not always reflect talent. Perhaps she is a decent raconteur, but her writing skills are mediocre. J.K. Rowling, however...if you know anything about mythology, you know that she has an unbelievable amount of myth and traditional literary symbolism in her writing. To compare her characters, being developed through storyline instead of verbose, adjective-filled description, to Stephenie Meyer's is absolutely ridiculous.

Oh, and I agree 100% with King's comments on Jodi Picoult. I love her work, it's heart-wrenching and inexplicably impressive.

ALSO, a huge thanks to the people who have commented recently. I really appreciate it, it means a lot to me.

Like I should be talking about writing prowess with the awful diction I'm using in this blog. My opinions are worth nothing.

Like that's going to shut me up.

Love,
Jes.

And the four right chords could make me cry...

2009-02-26T19:25:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I just feel so damn special and appreciated.
And other times I wonder what we are. You're still dating her, so are we just friends or are you still trying this?

I know I should just walk away, but...I don't think I could if I tried.

Hah.

2009-02-23T23:23:00.000-05:00

I love how my sister who goes to the tanning salon like, once a week lectures me about living a healthy lifestyle. And thinks she needs to lose 10 pounds when she weights around 110 and is 5'4". Right.

Oh, and if he doesn't break up with her soon, like, this week, I'm gonna be pissed.

Directly relates to the post I just made.

2009-02-20T00:24:00.001-05:00

A poem I wrote back in November, 2008, before seeing TAI with everyone.

We would cut through my neighbor’s yard,

And walk through the trees, across wet grass

It isn’t much, but these days

With backyards and a swing set,

I feel less alone.

I sit on a swing and hear you laughing,

As if you were next to me,

Instead of always too busy,

As if this were another one of those nights

When we’d slipped out your back door

And ended up here.

In the middle of nowhere,

In the middle of it all,

Wood chips in my shoes,

I sit and watch the leaves fall.

I’ll wait for you here.

Biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard in my life? Pretty much.

2009-02-19T23:48:00.002-05:00

Wow, I've actually been using this thing a lot recently. Probably because my life finally stopped being the giant word of boring it usually is. Even though I've used names in the past, I'm going to use fake names for this one because I have some RESPECT for fellow human beings. This is not how I talk to anyone, not even my ex friends, which is why I'm saying it on a blog instead of saying it to someone I trusted and thought was my best friend for the past seven years. Because as much as it hurts, as much as she doesn't deserve my tears, my words, or even my wasted breath, I still care.

Back in September, I was pretty upset because I thought my friend Jamie (hah) didn't really give a shit about me anymore and was just using me for (fucking get this) The Academy Is...Concert tickets, random shit, bits of information...Well, turns out I was right. Yeah, abso-fuckin-lutely. Tara and Chelsea have been feeling the same way, like she's kind of writing them off and doesn't really give.

So last weekend, we were at Tara's and we tried to make plans with Jamie. Jamie said she was busy during the day but would be free by eight and come over Tara's. Well, at 8:30 we called her and her friend was still there, and from the way she said it, it sounded like he had overstayed his welcome. We called her back around 9 to see if he was still there, and he was, so Chelsea said "Why don't you tell him that you had something you needed to do at 8? He'll understand." Jamie said she would, but called back a few minutes later and snapped at Chelsea that he was a guest and she wasn't going to just kick him out. So we wrote her a letter.

This letter said, in a few, and only a few, words more than this:

We wanted to talk to you Saturday night, and maybe we could have. We were under the impression that you were coming over at eight, not might come over at eight. We're your friends and we love you, but lately we don't feel like you're so much our friend. We feel as though we value your friendship more than we value yours. If there's any reason or explanation for this, you can tell us. We need to talk (over cheesecake) and we'll plan in it advance so we know you're not busy.

It was written by all of us, literally, like, we each wrote a portion of it by hand so she wouldn't think it was really just one of us speaking for all of us. We went over to her house to get some CDs Tara and I had left there and gave her the note discreetly before leaving. When we left, we apologized to her parents for coming over so late (a bit past 10) and they asked us if we were leaving so soon.

AFTER THIS and a good few days of being ignored, we realized she was pretty damn pissed off. Oh, and that now Katie, our friend, hated us and took her side. (And of course, I spent like, $80 on Katie on her birthday...thanks, bitches.)

So today Jamie and her mom went over to Tara's with Tara and Chelsea there, and Tara's mom to "talk." Okay, so Jamie's mom did all of the talking to her because Jamie "has trouble expressing herself" and "can't speak for herself." Jamie said about two words and spent the rest of the conversation unable to look at Tara or Chelsea. Her mom went on to do the bitchiest and most childish thing I've ever heard of.

So I've got clinical depression, I was diagnosed about two years ago, and it's been well managed for the most part since then, with a few periods of ups and downs, but hey, that's life.

Jamie's mom went on to say that people with depression are very manipulative and that you can't separate a person with depression, and that basically I manipulated Chelsea and Tara into writing this mean-spirited and hateful letter with me. Tara's mom asked to see the letter...but of course, they didn't know where it was. You'd think if this letter was so "hurtful" and "mean" that they would keep track of it and bring it to show it to Tara's mom. Also, apparently Jamie can't be friends with me anymore because of my depression, and being around me hurts her. I have strong pesonality, etc. We railroaded Jamie, blah blah blah *insert lies and bullshit*

Jamie's mom simply illustrated that she knows absolutely nothing about clinical depression. Good for her. You cannot make that sort of generalization. People are multi-faceted and complex, you cannot take one element of a person and write them off as what you assume they are. I am more than my depression. I am a person, a human person, and I have emotions and feelings and a personality outside of that. I am not my depression, and not all of my emotions stem from that. Sometimes I'm uspet because I'm in an upsetting situation, not because I have depression. I trusted Jamie, someone I had considered my best friend for half of a decade, with this information. Number one, why does her mom know? It's none of her mom's business, it's mine. It's only been for the past few months that this has happened. Probably since she divulged that to her mother. Her mother probably influenced Jamie with her utterly false views of clinical depression.

So in all of this, any time Tara or her mother defendd me, Jamie's mother got angry with them and came up with some lame excuse. Apparently her and Jamie wanted to talk to me separately from them, one on one. First of all, if it's Jamie and her mom, how is that one on one? Second, regardless of how I carry and portray myself, I am a child, and an adult should know that it is wrong to ambush a child like that. There are even laws, granted not major felony ones, against it. Third, if I'm just so damn depressed, what is she trying to do, make it worse? Chelsea told Jamie's mom that she wasn't influenced in any way, Tara as well.

Tara called me after this crying. She's not the type of person who cries. Apparently Jamie and her mother said nothing about her or Chelsea, just me. It was all me. I can't even express this in the way I would want to, I'm so mixed up and scatterbrained. I haven't been able to concentrate at all. I don't know what to do, it's kind of heartbreaking. I mean, I trusted her. And I was absolutely wrong in trusting her.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not some sort of downer because of my depression. Overall, I'm optimistic and ambitious, I have huge dreams and an intense drive. I'm imaginative and get lost in my own thoughts and ideas. I'm fun to be around and have a great sense of humor. I'm intelligent and analytical, but also creative and innovative. And I am worth more than my depression. I have self-respect and realize fully that I deserve much, much better friends than those who take everything they've known about me for years and just forget it because they find out I have an imbalance of chemicals in my brain. Sorry, you're not worth my time.

If you don't want to be around me when I'm upset, that speaks more to your character than it does to mind. It proves that you're not a very good friend and are incredibley selfish, refusing to be there for friends just because it's not fun for you. That's just low. So is picking on kids when you're in your forties and not allowing your teenage daughter to speak for herself.

This is so jumbled and confused. Whatever, it's basically my damn diary.

Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell? To the fact that we could have something that'll never happen.

2009-02-16T21:12:00.003-05:00

Since I can't think, breathe, or do any homework that happens to be due tomorrow until I write this down...or type, rather...

_________,

So last night I tried to have the best time that I could, to stop throwing glances at you over my shoulder because I knew I would see something I wouldn't want to. Because I'm tired sliding into $200 dresses and $100 shoes and actually doing my hair (because god knows I don't have that kind of patience) just to end up sobbing on a bathroom floor. It was only the once. But once is enough. So I held myself together. For the record, fuck modesty, I looked at least 50 times better than your girlfriend last night. Even she noticed. I went back and checked the dates, January 26th. So it's been three weeks. Three weeks since you confirmed that you liked me and were going to break up with her. Well...?

I want you to leave her. I want you to leave her so much I feel guilty about wanting someone else to have their heart broken in a way I never thought I would wish upon someone. But she cheated on you, and she doesn't treat you well as it is. Either way, you're stringing one of us along, and that's not alright. I was fine with waiting because I honest-to-god do not fall for people very easily, and it's not something I get over easily. We have too much to just throw it out the window. And I get it, we're 15 and relationship retarded, which is why I let so much of this slide.

But last night, seeing her throw her arms around your neck...and even though for the most part you looked reluctant and uncomfortable, for a second you looked down at her and smiled. The same way you do in those pictures I've seen of the two of you. I can't even begin to describe how badly that stung. I thought I could handle this, I'm not a very jealous person, so I could swallow my pride and tell myself that the two of you weren't happy anyway. But seeing you like that made me feel less like the better that you could do and more like "the other girl." Which I am, by the way. It planted this doubt in my mind, doubt that you really did want to leave her, doubt that it really is me that you want.

I want to be supportive. I don't want to force you to break up with her if that's not what you want. But this is too much for me. It's like the stab wasn't enough, the knife has to be twisted just for the laughs. I know it's hard for you to hurt her, to know that you're the reason she's crying. But I can't do this to myself. I need to know: ARE you going to break up with her? If you're going to leave me, I need to know. I don't want you to string me along, to make me a pawn in this twisted game. Don't break me more than you have to.

And don't get me wrong, I have some of the strongest feelings for you. When it comes to her, I am the most jealous person on the face of the earth, because I wish so much I was the one who got to kiss you, to see you all of the time, to be yours. I'm practically imploding from the jealousy. I know, you have your heart in the right place and you don't want to hurt her. I'm not sure if you're okay with hurting me.

The choice is yours. Just let me know, please.

Jes.

I suddenly remembered my very good reason for not spending much time in LJ communities for bands I like.

2009-02-08T20:37:00.004-05:00

It's fucking insane. There's one reason and one reason ONLY that I fall head over heels with bands:

THEIR MUSIC.

Only to have that ruined by the shitstorm that are their fan communities. Their personal lives are NOT NOT NOT something I would like to know about. It adds connotations I would rather not be aware of to the songs I'm listening to, it puts certain hypothetical people and hypothetical situations into my head for songs I used to love.

This all stems from the fact that I sometimes pop in over at TAILJ just to see if anything interesting is happening. I don't post a lot, because ever since the Grey's Anatomy message boards, I know that I, with my addictive personality, do not handle situations like that, knowing too much about people I admire, very well. So I only pop in to see if anyone's selling anything cool, there's some news that I am mildly interested in with tours or something, things like that.

I DO NOT go on there to see twitter posts about "gdb" and read the following speculation on whether or not William Beckett and Christine (is that her name? I'm not even sure...) have a baby. And read theories on how 40 Steps is about her telling him she's pregnant (WAY TO RUIN A SONG FOR ME. THANKS A LOT, BITCHES.) I also don't go there to read some shit secret about how Michael Guy Chislett might be engaged or something (where does this stuff even come from?). Now that's all I'm going to be able to think about when I listen to any of their music from a certain point on.

I DO NOT WANT OTHER INTERPRETATIONS LIKE THIS FOR SONGS I LOVE. THIS IS WHY I DON'T EVEN WATCH MUSIC VIDEOS. They plant these things in my head and then I can never look at a song from my personal standpoint and analyze them in the way I want to. BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY WONDERING IF IT'S ABOUT SO AND SO. Fucksall, people.

I miss when I first got into The Academy Is..., when all I had was their music. I went to a show with my friend and fell in love with them, for their music of course.
I didn't know any of their names until afterward.
I didn't know any more about them until several months afterward.
I wish I could go back to that, but I have too damn vivid of a memory and would have to acquire severe brain damage in order to manage that. Damn.

When it comes to them (The Academy Is...), there are just things I'd rather not know about because it keeps my from enjoying them the way I want to.
LET'S MAKE A LIST.

1. I do not want to know who you're dating.
2. In fact, I don't think I even want to know IF you're dating.
3. I will make exceptions for major things: If you're engaged, cool, that I'd like to know so I can be happy for you. Same thing with married. Or with having kids. That's fine, people do that, whatever.
3b. What I DO NOT want in these circumstances is just to hear these nonchalantly as random bits of information that your fans cast off and then never elaborate on. I'd like to hear them from you.

When the whole thing I mentioned in 3b happens, because I AM a fan of yours (theirs? I'm not sure, whatever, fuck grammar, this is a blog), it does pique my interest, and then it nests itself in my brain and my wonderful (curse of an) imagination runs wild and wreaks havoc, because is it even true? If it is, what do I think of it? Even though it doesn't affect me, it can be frustrating.

The reason it bugs me is not because I hold some outlandish fantasy that somehow I will meet one of you (them? ERGH, SHUT UP, BRAIN) and there will be some happily ever after, that would be riduculous (and lame) because:

a. I'm 15. I don't even know if I feel like putting on socks or not.
b. My life is not that pathetic.
c. Did I mention that I don't actually know you? Because that might be my most important point.

I get that. But since I view you as a significantly awesome person and all of this second hand information swims around in my head and plants ideas and thoughts that I'd rather not have, I'd rather not know everything about you, thanks. It's not that I don't care at all, it's just that since it doesn't directly involve me, I'd rather not have it encroach upon my thoughts in a way that FORCES me to care more than I should or would like to, being a, well, fan.

I would rather not listen to your music and not be able to interpret it myself because I've already been told what it SUPPOSEDLY means or who it is SUPPOSEDLY about and can't shake that long enough to draw my own conclusions. I have my own life and my own overly-complicated relationship status. But THAT is a cyclone of suck for another time.

SO everyone SHUT THE HELL UP about that. =]

When in doubt, rhyme angrily:

FUCK A DUCK IN A TRUCK, THAT'S DELIVERING POPE ON A SOAP ON A ROPE, WHILE SAYING FRICK ON A STICK WITH A BRICK.

Now I'm hitting up my zune to listen to artists who I know nothing about! Not even the lead singer's name...so far I've got one: The Strokes. That is unfortunately the only one I can think of. Damn.

To all those that this blogish thing mentions, I do not wish to pry into your personal lives. That would probably win me the gold in the World's Biggest Hypocrite Olympics©.

There's always something, isn't there?
Jes.

Hello lovelies.

2009-01-15T21:51:00.002-05:00

I don't have much of anything to post on this blog other than random bits of the nonevent that is my life. Since I've been taking creative writing in school this semester, which is now coming to a close, I've written a lot of poetry and bits of prose recently, so I've decided to post those here. For anyone who randomly decides to read this blog and likes something, feel free to comment or anything, I'd just like to be able to post these somewhere.

Eskimo and butterfly kisses,
Jes.

Yay.

2008-12-21T19:33:00.002-05:00

So I'm on winter break, even though most of my friends still have school tomorrow and Tuesday. But that's okay cause I've got a shitload of work to do over the next two weeks *shakes with excitement* Including:
--A short story (for creative writing)
--A poetry project (for English)
--A ton of problems (for Alg2/Trig)
--Watching and writing a report on Schindler's list (extra credit [which I need] for english)

So I'm planning on doing the last and starting the seconds tomorrow. I'm thinking Sylvia Plath for the project, as it has to be a 20th century poet. Why do I ramble on about these things endlessly?
Must be my crazy inner monologue that I can only release through this sort of thing. OH WELL. I have no idea what I'm going to write that short story on, although I could do a sampling of the wondrous (maybe) idea that I have going for a novel...but if I'm going to do that, do I really want to use it for a short story? I don't think so. Whatever. I'll figure something out. Or I'll BS my way through it, he doesn't expect much from the class I'm in anyway.

Would've been nice if he could've given us a prompt instead of just saying "Write a short story! About anything!" Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.

Jes.

I can't deal with this.

2008-10-25T23:09:00.002-04:00

Alright, Bev, I can honestly say I don't care anymore. You've obviously been brainwashed or suddenly misplaced your fucking SPINE. You used to be smart, but I don't know anymore. Somehow you ended up becoming best friends with the type of people you supposedly hate. I'd ask what the fuck is going on, but I don't have the energy to get through your way-too-thick skull, and I just don't care enough to try. I'm sorry. But suddenly you've matched yourself with these people who, if they knew what you used to do, what you still do, would be disgusted and find you weird, because anyone who does that MUST be. They wouldn't respect you, but it's not like they do now anyway. You wouldn't be losing anything.
I used to respect you.
I guess that's what you lost.
I doubt that matters to you.
You're not cool. Get over yourself.

Don't write a word, cause I won't reply.

Sorry, I'm not gonna lie.

2008-10-15T22:05:00.002-04:00

Say What you like.

please? It's kinda important to me.

2008-10-03T16:18:00.001-04:00

Woo! Let's blog!

2008-10-02T20:52:00.000-04:00

It's been a while. Months. Okay, more like one month. Whatever.
Anyway, I haven't seen two of my best friends since the end of august, I've gone certifiably insane, and I'm kind of okay with it. Plus I've got a new idea. Oh yes. My ideas can be quite dangerous. But this one, I have a feeling this one isn't going to go away.

Because there's no way for me to leave myself behind. It seems I'm always following me around. Hm...

And here's the truth...

2008-07-11T20:20:00.002-04:00

I'm a liar. I'm nicer than I make myself out to be, and being nice is lying. If I were to count the number of times I've lied in the past five minutes, my conclusion would be obscene. Whether it's telling Tyler that I miss him (I don't) or just casually going along with whatever he says...I've spent so much time around people lately, and I've never been more alone. I'm tired, so tired, of lying, of having people to lie to. I can't have a puppy, I'm too stubborn, too feisty, too much of an asshole to have a puppy who follows me around and worships me. It's sickening. I don't know what I have. My friends, if I can even call them that, don't give a shit. It's all confusing, and whatever this is supposed to mean, it's lost on me. And Tyler just called his step brother "fag ass" and that makes me so angry I want to hit something. What happened to me? Why did I start hiding again?
What am I supposed to say? I don't like him, I hardly tolerate him. Why do I start out liking someone, end up hating them, and want them back as soon as I get rid of them? I think I need therapy, but I don't believe in therapists. Just fucking shoot me. I feel like crying, laughing, sleeping, writing, singing, dying, smiling, bleeding, breathing, screaming. I'm going nowhere.
And he just asked me what I'm thinking right now. That I can't fucking stand this? That I'm miserable for no reason? That I PROBABLY need an increase in my medication? (clinically depressed, for the record, it's an actual illness, for the fucking EMO and pathetic, go fucking fall off of a cliff, some of us are actually sick. It's hereditary.)
And he thinks I'm joking with my response that I don't know, and he's sending me winking emoticons, and I just want to jump through my computer screen and strangle him. I need something, I need something, but what? Oh god. This is crazy, and it's driving me up a fucking wall. I'm sick of lying, but unwilling to tell the truth. What is wrong with me?

It's been so long...too long.

I am a restless, reckless mess

2008-07-11T20:14:00.003-04:00

Out of my mind with boredom yet insanely busy. I can't remember the date or the day of the week. This is driving me pretty fucking insane.
Plus, because Nina practically made me, I made a livejournal and I have clue how to work the damn thing.
And supposedly, Jaine wants to go to all of these concerts, I have no idea when/where they are or if I have the money to do this but YOU KNOW...warped tour on the 28th, the hush sound on the 22nd, my birthday, which I will probably forget somewhere in between. And I'm probably not the only one who will forget. List includes my parents, and my best friends, but one of my not-so-close friends will remember. What a depressing thought. Do I even have friends? Kill me now.
I'm going insane. I need to write. But what about? I can't go back to the fanfiction I abandoned on the side of the road (in the freezing cold, to die). Or make graphics. But of course, I avoid anything and everything that brings me joy because I am some form of sick, twisted masochist. What the hell? It's been a while since I've felt this restless. I need to do something. No idea what. But something.
It's kind of comforting that no one reads this. I can write down my thoughts and not feel TOO crazy.
Crazy in a can,
Jess

It's been a while since I've felt this restless..

2008-05-26T01:38:00.002-04:00

Great, now I've got "I know the feeling" stuck in my head, since I used that quote.
Grr.
Writing and graphics...whoa, where the hell did January, February, March, and April go?! And now May?! AHHH! I must have been in a freaking coma. Feels like I've been hit by a fucking brick wall. Perhaps I'll just ride out the three remaining weeks of freshman year doing nothing...write like hell the week before I go to Villanova, get back and make graphics like hell before going to Fort Myers, and then I can write there because, THANK GOD, I am not bringing anyone this time and I get my own room. Karma has been good to me (for the moment).

Was I by any chance hit by a brick wall? I'll have to read like a...a thing that never stops reading. Because the key to writing is reading way too much. RIGHT? Maybe. It's possible. Currently reading Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. KICKASS so far.

I love you nonexistent blog readers.
Nora/Jess (it's hard, having two personalities...or rather, four. AHH QUADROPHENIA!)

It's quite possible that I'm certifiably insane.

2008-04-29T13:56:00.002-04:00

In fact, it's damn likely. Things I need to learn to do:
1. Be nice to myself (In other words, let myself write and make graphics when I feel like it rather than telling myself I don't have the time or that history homework is more important. Because I'm sure that if I explode from self-loathing, my history homework will remain undone.
2. To shut up.
Another thing, why don't I just use livejournal?
Answer: I found this through google and I'm too damn lazy to switch now. For fun, I get to go to the doctor's and then whoknowswhat. I feel frustrated for no reason. Or some reason I don't yet know. Either way it sucks.

Been a while...

2008-04-23T21:25:00.002-04:00

Can't say I miss it TOO much, but blogging is cathartic.
Basically, the only thing I can think of to mention are the fact that I was asked out by a guy who I have no interest in and who, as of yesterday, no longer has interest in me. Thank God.
Oh, and the NYLF Med forum, which I'm absurdly excited for. It sucks, I feel like such a nerd.
This guy basically is urban dictionary's definition of scene. He fits it perfectly. Not that I'm opposed to any type of person, but I hate people who classify themselves and form themselves to a certain subculture, only shopping at certain stores, watching certain things, listening to certain music, because they're uncomfortable just being whatever they are, and having their own personality rather than sharing one with tons of people. Especially when those people claim to be unique. What about fitting yourself to the ideas of others is unique?
He thinks he's tough because he's "in a mosh pit almost every week", he loves music that's just noise and where the people scream instead of sing, he likes HIM, he claims he can understand meaningful lyrics, he claims he loves Stephen King and Edgar Allan Poe, yet says he hates to read. He says he doesn't have time because he's always busy. He says he likes to write but refuses to use proper English.
I can't deal with so many hypocrisies. I could move past these things, but he has no interest in me, it seems. I would ask him questions about his taste in music, books, his band, his friends. He never said "What about you?", he never asked anything about me. It was all about him. He didn't like me, he just wanted someone who would flatter him if he said a few things that sounded right.
He says I'm over-analytical. He would be right. But I'd rather be over-analytical than stupid. We don't match up. I'm all-honors two sophomore classes, he takes the only remedial classes my school offers. We just don't match.
And now we're not talking. I don't mind this, the only thing I mind is that he thinks he's ignoring me, when I was the one who decided we weren't right in the first place, when I was the one who decided I didn't like him first. He thinks he's calling the shots, but he isn't. The only reason I got on his nerves enough to make him want to ignore me is because I was sabotaging it, I wanted him to leave me alone. And now he is. But he thinks it's because he's choosing to do so, not because I chose to make him do so. Ugh. This pisses me off. I'm calling the shots, and he's too dumb to realize it.
Plus he thinks the louder you are, the funnier you are. Which is so not true. Being loud does not make you funny. Anyone can say a word loud and with some implication. Doesn't make it funny. It makes you stupid and unoriginal. I'm so annoyed.
Medical forum? Way too much time between then and now. I wan to go so bad. And I am, but I have to wait. UGH.

End of a....week, month.

2008-03-31T22:17:00.002-04:00

So it's the end of March. So long. I finally posted my first chapter, and I have to say I just have been making things into a bigger deal than they actually are. Prue seems to have disappeared, so this is almost like a diary for me. Although one that is viewed by Nina and could possibly be discovered (easily) by anyone else I know...
A public diary.
A few things:
1. I'm getting a job this summer, either at one of two ice cream places or a supermarket. Taylor and Jaine are as well. It should be...well, not necessarily fun, but somewhat enjoyable. Of course I'll still have plenty of free time to write, especially since I do not plan to bring a friend on vacation...it keeps me from relaxing, and I really do need alone time. I'll write on the beach or something.
2. Medical forum I'm going to is officially June 21 through July 1 at Villanova in Philadelphia. Staying in dorms, going to hospitals, and apparently an amusement park (yay, Nora loves roller coasters).
3. Apparently today when they were waiting for me at my bus stop, some lady approached Jaine and Cara and asked if they knew anyone who was good with photos (hah!) and they told her, yes, ironically, the person they were waiting for (moi). She needs someone to organize her baby photos, I would get paid for it. I have her email and phone number, I plan to email her first, and call if needed. Should be interesting! Apparently she knows a family of a friend of mine, so that works.
4. I have but 50 days of school left. Just this week and next week full, then a three day week, then like four full weeks, 4-day memorial day week, and then only a week and a half left! Two days of which are finals! Where the hell did my freshmen year go? Not that I'm going to complain.

And for now, I'm off to read Gone With the Wind, which I would recommend to anyone, even if you're not at all interested in the south, the civil war, or slavery. Heaven knows I'm not.
With love,
Nora

Must Be.

2008-03-26T20:40:00.002-04:00

I have to be crazy, there's no other way around it.
I need to write. But I can't. I need to in a way that I personally need it, but I can't make myself do it. How does that work? I need time alone, I need isolation, I can't have friends anymore. It's driving me crazy and I don't know what it is that makes me like this. I need time and I don't have that, I have no time, there is no time, and there is no end result, it's just so...I don't know, I can't breathe. I need time alone, I need time to do nothing in order to do something. I need some kind of muse, I need quiet, I need to...I need...I don't know what I need anymore. All I know is I'm so mad at me and because of school, because of my friends, because of activities I do, I don't have any time to do the things I enjoy.
I hate most of my friends. I like Taylor, Jaine, Cara, and Nina, and my school friends. I can't fucking stand Tina, Kimmy, and a few others. I don't want to spend time with them, I don't want to go out every day, Maybe one day every two weeks, I need time, I need a few hours to be lazy and if I don't take those hours I go crazy, but if I do, I end up with my friends and then I stress myself out. This is stressful because I'm making it so, and I don't know how to get rid of whatever it is that makes me do this, I don't know how to relax so that I can write and make graphics. I'm tense as shit, and I can't relax. I know I need to but I just...I can't...I have to...god, I don't know! I'll be almost there and then I'm too afraid to take the next step because I know that'll mean I have to work again soon so I put if off for a day, then a week, then a month, how much longer is this going to go on? I can't just keep saying that I'll do it later, or I won't live through it, I swear I won't. But I can't make myself do it. I don't have the willpower. I am weak, and without doing this I am weaker.

How does this work?

So basically...

2008-03-17T21:42:00.002-04:00

First chapter? Written in January, tossed out in February, rewritten in February, edited, almost entirely rewritten, edited, beta read by 4 separate people, and I'm satisfied. It's a bit of a prologue (Prometheus!), as my last chapter is planned to be a bit of an epilogue (Epimethius!) . Mythology I'm weaving in so far includes...okay, I've decided not to tell you. But I'll tell you Iris! Not a big hint.
Literary symbolism: Read your Poe and Shakespeare. =]
Emailed by beta one last time to tell her where I'm posting it and under what pen names (fanfiction.net- lilunamesonks, hpff.net- SilverMelodiedSelene), waiting to hear back from her once more. Now I just have to write a summary! If any of the three people who read this thing would like to help, let me know.
"Stopping Traffic" is the final name, it's decided, but "What Sings and Soars" is going to be weaved in, as well as the other titles I considered.
Have to write chapters 2, 3, and 4 over spring break, and if I don't I will have the Creepy One for religion next year. OH MY GOD THAT IS THE BEST MOTIVATION I'VE EVER GIVEN MYSELF.
And make graphics. TEEHEE.
You (aka no one) are the best. Chislett bless you, and may you live by Gabe Saporta's checkered law.
What else did I want to say? Oh, don't you hate it when you find a fic that's amazingly well written, but it drags out like you wouldn't believe, such as Arthur Conan Doyle's novels? He should stick to short stories. I like the fast paced and interesting, captivating, with red herrings and little woven in things that make you say "Oh, awesome!" if you have some general knowledge, especially of myth and literary symbolism. Therefore, that is how I write.
Also, songs so far (not limited to, some are for background inspo, others for lyrics):
The Academy Is... (We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands [bi])
Automatic Loveletter (The Answer [l])
Classic Crime (The Test [l], I Know the Feeling [l])
Dashboard Confessional (Stolen [bi, too popular to use lyrics, biggest cliche of the moment.])
Fall Out Boy (I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers[l], "It's Not A Side Effect of the Cocaine. I Am Thinking It Must Be Love."[l])
Foo Fighters (Stranger Things Have Happened [l])
Holly Brook (Giving It Up For You [either], Heavy [l])
Mayday Parade (Miserable at Best [either])
Pink (so shoot me! no, that's not a song. I'm Not Dead [l], Nobody Knows [either])
Sara Bareilles (City [l], Between the Lines [either])
The Spill Canvas (Appreciation and the Bomb [either], One Thing Is For Sure [either])
Train (Your Every Color [l], Get To Me [bi], Lincoln Avenue[l])
Vega 4 (Life is Beautiful [l])
I'd recommend all of them. Great songs, some of the artists are popular but I try to pick songs that aren't played all over the radio, and ones that fit, or at least ones with certain lyrics that do. I don't use full songs usually, songfics are cheesy.

Media Centers are still boring...

2008-03-07T14:04:00.003-05:00

So the concert last night was awesome. Got to meet We the Kings...Travis signed my pants. Twas awesome. But now it's over. Sad. At one point me and this girl I hardly knew were three rows from the front, but it was so packed you couldn't move, see, or breathe. There wasn't much of a point, and it was more fun in the back. So basically, Cobra Starship with The Cab, Metro Station, and We the Kings.
I'm still mad at Cara an Jaine. I can't help it. This will take a little while for me to get over.
Basically, I typed my first chapter and sent it to them...and they tore it to pieces. I'll post what they said when I can actually access my hotmail.
And they didn't tear it to pieces very politely.
I'm not trying to guilt trip them, so I didn't tell them exactly how much it upset me. I cried for a few hours, and cried myself to sleep, I was really hurt. I left the house at 1am and took a walk outside in the woods, it had to be about 10 degrees out...didn't bother to bring a jacket. I had tears frozen to my face!
It's not funny, and I don't want them to feel too guilty, but maybe they ought to know. It really hurt. I realized the things they said were sort of true, and that I didn't like what I had written much myself, so I changed it. However, that doesn't justify the way they said it, and anything that was enough to get me that upset...
They're supposed to be my friends first, and they're not even my betas, so they don't really have the right to criticize like a beta. You know what I mean? How could two people who are supposed to be supportive, supposed to be my best friends, tear apart my writing? Of all things, writing is very personal, it's a reflection of the author, it's your soul and your feelings and opinions on paper. It's like it wasn't my writing they were tearing apart, it was me. I can take it from people I don't know, but I can't take it from my friends.
The worst part is, afterwards, they said they meant it.
Jaine apologized for the way she said it.
Cara fucking didn't. Yeah, she's sure fucking sorry.
As writers, I thought they would understand how personal it is, how rarely I let anyone read my writing, and how much I had to trust them in order to let them read it. I just know now that I can't completely trust them. A part of me hopes they'll read this, realize that I trusted them fully, that I opened myself up and shared things with them, and that I never will be able to again. That they need to earn my trust back.

And I'm damn good at holding grudges. I'm going to stop now, because I don't want to cry in the media center. That would be humiliating.

Nora.

How many hours now?

2008-03-06T13:58:00.002-05:00

Sitting in the library, finished my gym report.
About that, got sick after running on Tuesday and now I can't do gym until I get blood work done, an EKG, and see a neurologist. So instead I sit in the media center and do these absurdly easy reports on different women's sports. Basically you read about it, and write a statement summary of each section, then find a website, and write a summary statement on that. I'd so take this over gym.
Tonight is the night. Cobra Starship concert with Taylor, Kelsey, and Jaine. We're going early (about an hour) to get good spots. I am beyond the land of excited and into the land of ecstatic. Now I just have to live through the agonizingly long 27 minutes left of this period, and then they equally as agonizing 30 minute long bus ride before I can while away two hours or so at home, doing things less boring than blogging in 6th block. Not that this is that boring.
But let's face it, no one reads this thing. Even I wouldn't read this.
But what else am I to do to kill time now that I've finished my report on windsurfing (yes, windsurfing)?
I would check my email to see if my beta got back to me, but this stupid computer won't load windows live. Damn.
So I'm off to prattle more and be excited. I should get to work on chapter 2, but I'd like to hear back on chapter one first, then I'll revise it again myself, and post and all that fun shit. Also have to make some graphics for nt.net and my fic...urgh, I wish I had more time to do all of this. Or just the patience. Or wasn't so damn lazy...that plays a part.
Now I'm off onto the web to look for a recipe for red velvet cupcakes for Emily's birthday (which, by the way, is the same as Remus's. I am a dork).

Ohmygiddygod'strousers

2008-03-01T20:50:00.001-05:00

I just finished typing my first chapter, called "Fairytales" and sent it to my beta, Nina, and Jaine, and apparently Jaine and Cara are reading it. I'm in a daze, it feels unreal. I'm a little scared, honestly, but I need to get over that. It's going to happen. And I've started it. Here goes nothing.

No fame, no money...

2008-02-18T14:27:00.003-05:00

Yes, Prue, I love acting and singing. Used to do musicals every spring and summer until I got fed up with the people who ran it. =p

I have a youtube account, but I'd be too embarrassed...Nina has heard me sing though.
Finished chapter one, needs editing and things added in, but I want to at least start typing it tonight, granted I finish my history homework. I did start chapter two, as Cara, Jaine, and I had a write-a-thon last night, in which I managed to do three sides of looseleaf, which I guess would be a page and a half.

Plus I found some great tutorials for corel PSP so I'll be making some graphics this week to try them out.
This week shall be good. I can smell it.
Yes, smell it.
Nora.

Joyful, freezing, winter.

2008-02-12T20:23:00.000-05:00

Listening to "Once Upon a December". I have to learn it...and be able to sing it...by tomorrow around 6ish. Yeah, auditions for my school's musical, Godspell. One question: How do they determine whether you can act at all or not from how you sing? I may never know, but whatever.
Point is that it is sleeting/snowing/raining and I have a killer sore throat. In fact, I just stepped out and my street is covered in a thick sheet of ice. Well then. Hopefully I'll have off tomorrow and be able to write and get my guitar =] Nina knows what this means.
Ugh, I have to go buy more zune points, upload foo fighters cds for my mom, and buy some nirvana for her (which means I get to buy more points! Which means I get more music!)
So adios mis amigos.
Also, the title has been decided. "Stopping Traffic" it is. My original. But "What Sings And Soars" is definitely woven in there.
Au revoir Adieu and Arrivederci.

Erm, so it's february.

2008-02-04T03:12:00.000-05:00

Which automatically makes me think of every song I know that says "February" in it somewhere. Gr.
So It's 3:14 am here in good old New Jersey and I'm still awake. Because I'm not sleeping tonight. Why, you may ask? Because I'm just not. There is really no reason, and it was kind of a stupid idea (okay, completely a stupid idea), but it's a bit late now, because I know if I went to sleep right now, I wouldn't be able to get up in 2 and a half hours like I need to. And I've used 11 of my 12 sick days. Hah. Funny how I can have a 4.0 yet not pass freshman year just because I missed too many days. Personally I think that's cheap. And I think I should just be exempt from all Mondays. ;)
School is schoolish. Which means Hell. If only there were fire in hell, though, for then there would be the delightful possibility of bursting into flames and dying. Unfortunately, God hates me, no such luck.
Now if only I could get out of this little thing I'm stuck in where I keep idling the hours away by doing pointless things like watching tv and playing computer solitaire (it's boring! You either win or you lose, and either way it requires 0 skill...to which I say, why the hell can't I stop?!) and make more graphics or write, dammit. The only things in this crazy old world that make me happy (lies, all lies, there are plenty of other things, but that, of course, would lessen the dramatic effect...which I just did by putting this in there...WHOOPS) and for some reason I just can't do them. I am the biggest waste of life since Telemachus. Yes, I mean Telemachus, son of Odysseus. To which I say, damn the Trojan war (but not the Trojan condoms, God help the world if someone like my sister reproduces...we're all doomed)!
*dies of exhaustion* Adios, Au revoir, arrivederci and...shit, I can't remember how to say goodbye in german. Screw it. GUTEN TAG. Auf weiderschen.... why brain? Why? Too tired to check my spelling. Adieu. WOW. They all start with "a". DAMMIT, SHUT UP, BRAIN!

Dammit, someone yell at me.

2008-01-26T15:32:00.000-05:00

NOW. CALL ME AND YELL AT ME. EMAIL ME AND YELL AT ME. INSTANT MESSAGE ME AND YELL AT ME, I'VE BEEN VERY VERY BAD.
I have not been writing or making graphics, and I am very very bad. Instead I have been sitting on the couch watching episodes of Cashmere Mafia (which is so dramatic it's addicting) and reading Maureen Johnson. I need to be doing one of these two things or transferring music from yahoo to zune. DAMN ME AND MY EASILY DISTRACTED BRAIN. I need to write or make graphics, or the world will end. Okay, that's a lie, but I need to feel purposeful. And those are the only two things that work.
So as far as naming my Remus and Tonks/Remora/RLNT/RT/RN/Whatever the fuck you want to call it, make up your god damn mind people fic goes, I'm torn. So I've created a poll, to be seen to the left. That's why I'm all a-spaz.

Shoot me now, please.

2008-01-21T12:10:00.000-05:00

Finals are eating me. I finished typing all of the stupid facts for Romeo and Juliet, with the bibliography and super fun pictures. Honors Geometry take home is kicking my ass, seeing as it's a combination of the things I'm worst at such as altitude on hypotenuse theorems and chord-angle theorems. Fucking fun. I need coffee. Or sugar. Or both.
I haven't had time to write, make graphics, read, think, sleep, eat, exist, breathe, sit, stand, blink, etc. because I've had to work on this damn thing, put formulas on an index card, and do that stupid fucking English project.
Course it helps that Spanish and religion are throw-away subjects.
Can't wait until I have to take an honors bio final!
NOTE TO ANYONE: If you are a freshman, do not take all honors and 2 soph classes. Period. Just don't do it, you will die a horrible, painful death.
Now back to the chords and similar triangles for me!
I need to write. Or type. And make more damn graphics. *whines* Fuck Romeo and Juliet. They were dumb asses. That's what you get for falling in love in two hours and going to sleep in a mausoleum. As for geometry, when am I ever going to need to find the measure of an arc of a circle? Am I buying coasters and need specifics? I'm OCD, but not that OCD.

The idea came to me...

2008-01-14T16:57:00.001-05:00

The other night to make a list. Well, more of a survey. Collection of data? Something along those lines (and I really can't type today). What for, you may ask? Well, for couples. A data list for couples. The "Top 100 Most Written HP Couples" I'm basically going to think of 100 couples that would have fanfictions written for them (and check to make sure that they do), and then search each one of them, using fanfiction.net as a sort of "sample group". The most popular will be closer to "1" of course, going down to 100. I really just want to do it so that I can find out what the most popular ones are, but I suppose if I'm going to bother, I might as well share. But that does mean I need to start tagging my posts.
Nora.

No, no, and no.

2008-01-12T20:14:00.000-05:00

I refuse to type this thing. I don't know why, but I do.
Things I should be doing but am not:
-Reading Romeo and Juliet for English class
-Doing geometry homework
-Doing religion homework
-working on my Spanish portfolio
-making graphics
or
-typing this damn chapter. I refuse to do any of the previously mentioned, although I may actually end up doing homework to procrastinate the other two options. How pathetic is that? Yeah, actually, I think that's what I'm going to do. That and study for finals, which I have a week from this Wednesday. Whoa, did I just say study? I didn't know the word "study" was in my vocabulary. I have never in my entire life honest-to-god sat down and studied material for a test. Unless you count reading through it in five seconds and realizing I remembered it all anyway so it was pointless to go over it. Which I don't count. Maybe I'll just to the homework and then read or browse stupid websites or do my Pointless Writing.

I am as sad as a sad thing in a sad town.
Nora.

BREAK OUT THE PARTY HORNS

2008-01-08T22:04:00.000-05:00

WOOOOO! Guess what, guess what, guess what? I FINISHED. I finished the first chapter of my fic, which I have decided to call "Stopping Traffic". For those who argue that since they are wizards, and therefore do not have traffic: Traffic does not necessarily pertain to cars, but can also apply to people walking, and since there is traffic in London regardless, it doesn't really matter, because the name will prove significant.
Written, not typed yet. But still, this is one small step for...um, someone, one giant step for Nora. Now excuse me, I need to go dance around my kitchen in my socks. Maybe. Probably not, as I'd most likely hurt myself. Dance around my room? Perhaps. I need good dancing music. I may do the guilty pleasure dance. Yes, that sounds good. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

*dances and spins in chair*

There are ups and downs...

2008-01-06T18:46:00.000-05:00

Since I'm a pessimist and would prefer to end on the bad note, (therefore emphasizing how pissed off I am and leaving an impression) I'll start with the good part.
On Saturday, I made these, and they're my children. I haven't chosen names yet:

Aren't they beautiful? I think so. Another bright note: I finished song organizing (woo!) And even though I'm supposed to go back to school tomorrow, I get two more days off BECAUSE of the bad news.

The bad news is that I spent 6 hours in the emergency room today for that suspicious (and increasingly worse) pain in my right side, feverish feelings, and nausea. So anyway, I got an IV, and although blood doesn't bother me, I couldn't even write in my time in that hospital because the MediNazis used my right arm, and wouldn't let me bend it. ARGH. Then I had to drink this DISGUSTING dye that I swear I almost vomited back up. So after waiting two and a half hours after that (and giving the World's Smallest Urine Sample (honestly, I am not piss-on-demand!)) I got a CT on my stomach, which involved MORE dye, and the funniest warm sensation in the history of the world. I swear, there are no words to describe it, but it is not comfortable. It feels almost like you are making soup in your abdomen...and some leaked out. Although that's just the illusion it gives, that doesn't actually happen. One can guarantee I would be ANNOYED if it did.
The result of this did not explain the pain in my right side. JUST MY RIGHT SIDE, THANKS MUCH.
The conclusion of the brilliant MediNazis:
I have a large cyst on my Left ovary.
How helpful!
I am off to go make a "I spent 6 hours in the ER being treated for possible Appendicitis, and All I Got is This Bruise and Hole In My Arm" shirt.

Ta-da.

I think I'm a bit...sick...

2008-01-04T02:05:00.000-05:00

Well, what I mean is I feel a bit...feverish. And my lower right stomach keeps aching, varying between sharp pain and stomach-ache type pain. And I'm shivering. And I'm not even cold. I have a blanket wrapped around me though. Ugh. And I can't sleep, so I'm up doing random shit. Fun.

Hmph.

2008-01-02T18:07:00.000-05:00

Pretty much everyone had to go back to school today. Except for me. I'm not complaining. Spending 5 days basically to myself is a dreamland. I almost prefer to be alone sometimes. Except that it gives me time to think, and sometimes for me, thinking can get risky.
I promised myself that I was going to use this extra-long (17-day) break to write. All I've done so far is a tiny bit of nothing with a side of procrastinating my ass off. Well, no more. Tonight I am finishing the two books I've been reading and completing those god damn notes and tomorrow I am songspo searching and outlining until my fucking ass falls off. Excuse my language. My best motivation seems to be swearing (ha!).
The only thing I will allow myself to procrastinate on is checking my email.
By the way, does anyone know how difficult it is to blog and talk to three people via instant message at the same time? It's not easy.
I am going to sit here and stare at google and hold off clicking the "gmail" link for a little bit longer. As long as I can. Oh shit, people actually contact me through that email. OH WELL.

New Years...

2007-12-31T12:37:00.001-05:00

All I can manage to be is pissed off. And no, I do not plan to make a resolution that I would simply break less than a week later.
I swear my 19 year old sister is either insane or two years old. It does not help the state of my room that she was playing in my closet about two seconds ago.
Anyway, whilst browsing various fansites and tripping over a couple (a term I use loosely, as it means that as I was browsing another, I found an affiliate in one I had visited before but was too lazy to look up). Anyway, I was force-fed the meaning of the name Remora. Pronounced (in the dictionary) Rem-err-uh...mine is Rem-or-uh. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. Therefore, it does not mean suckerfish. SO BITE ME. Of course, as I didn't want to leave a bad impression on that one site, I didn't start an argument in their chat box...though I would have thoroughly enjoyed doing so, as arguing is one of my hobbies...not to sound arrogant, but I'm quite good at it.
Also, my english teacher asked for my short story to put on her site, as well as the one of the girl who sits next to me, but I forgot to email it to her for about...a month...and it would be kind of weird to do so now unless she asks me to again. Hmph.
I'm miffed about the couple name thing. Because now it's RUINED. And I LOVED IT. So now I have to come up with another one. I DON'T WANT TO, I LIKED THAT ONE! Plus, the best couple names are the ones that are other words anyway. Like Limes! And Bang! *snarls at whoever "n" is* N IS NOT A NAME! PUT YOUR DAMN NAME! Because for fuck's sake, even if you did put your actual name, there are probably thousands of people in the world with, guess what, THE EXACT SAME ONE! People are so stupid. I really needed to rant about that. And now I need to make up a new couple name. I'm so angry I actually typed new twice.
And now my sister dressed the dog up in my mother's pajamas and is attempting to force her way into my room.
I need a good fanfic. Unfortunately, that would involve returning to the site that REMINDS ME OF MY LIVIDITY. I'm aware that that isn't a word. It should be. And is. As of now. I can never say Remora again *sobs* I am mourning the name of the couple almost as much as the actual couple itself. That was a lie. There are no real tears involved this time, just anger.
Nora.

Hmm...

2007-12-28T18:47:00.000-05:00

I'm wondering, for my whole Tonksy thing (new word there), during what time should I start? I have ideas for Auror training, but during the first year and do it all briefly, or the second and keep it brief, just not as much so as I would have with the first?
I sense myself making very little sense.
But I still can't make up my mind there and seeing as none of the people who I actually talk to about this are around (i.e. Nina, Prue, Lils and Moony) I can't ask anyone! So whoever reads this first, please let me know what you think.
I also should really stop being such a procrastinating lazy ass, suck it up and plan so that I can actually write, which is of course, what I really wanted to do in the first place, but I want to know where I'm going with it.
Frustration.
I am also on the verge of ditching my Marauder's one. I mean, I have what I believe are quite original subplots, with everything I haven't told anyone except Lils, I believe. But the other two I have so many more ideas for!
I mean, I have great ideas for:
-How Limes gets together (although I think Jaine disagrees but is too nice to say so)
-Parents' deaths
-Why Harry has no godmother
-Wedding
-My ending
But I have the WORLD'S SUCKIEST ideas for:
-the map
-the whole full moon and animagi thing (ugh, no need to remind me how awful I was at that whole thing)
-going into hiding
-the Order
-Snape.
I suppose I could make a few good oneshots out of it instead. Unfortunately, each mini-plot has more complex pieces to it. I just don't think I can make it flow very well. That scares me. The other two, I have AMAZING ideas and even passages written in my mind! And I love it, and I love thinking about it and writing it. But that one, I just can't seem to...I don't know! What's ironic is that is the one I have completely planned out and am ready to write. Let me know what you think.

Oh. My. God.

2007-12-23T18:31:00.000-05:00

I actually had fun today. What a shocker! Emily had a polyana, and me and Jess (another Jess, not myself) are going to start a petition to get our school to let people dye their hair funny colors. Honestly, if Little Miss Biznatch can put horrible orange highlights in her dark brown hair, why can't I put pink in my blond (blech)? But that's not the point. The point is I actually had fun. With people from my school. Is this allowed? I guess so!
Annnnyyyyway, I need to move my ass or soon these fics are going to become one of those things I desperately wanted to do but never stuck with and lost interest in. AND I DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. So if anyone talks to me online or anything, I need you to ask how far I've gotten. I'm not kidding.
PinksyHollyedEgo (aim)
jabrum@gmail.com (email)
myspace.com/countyourluckystars (email is: lilmagicwaffle@excite.com)
harass me if you need to! I'm not kidding, I really need people to push me here. And a beta, if anyone would care to volunteer. ;)
Eh, who am I kidding, no one reads this thing anymore!
Although I have decided to continue on with "Plans A-Z" on here, by making a separate blog on the same account. Have I gotten your attention? Good. I hope so.
Also, I made up more couple names, and have decided that I am, in fact, a couple name mastermind. Now, off to writing. But I'm not in a writing-ish mood! I'm in a sit here and listen to cobra starship and play the sims (dork that I am) mood! But I must not, must not, must not. This is why I need you people, because I am on the verge of hitting the PLAY BUTTON AND CLICKING THE ICON.

Fights and Other Stuff.

2007-12-20T19:49:00.000-05:00

So I recently got into a fight with (get ready for this) Alex Carpenter. It was an epic battle. If you don't know who Alex Carpenter is, it's from the...er...funnish and interesting thing that is Wizard Rock. Yes, I just called him an it. As I was saying, it involved my friend who shall remain nameless telling me to send him hate mail, so I sent him Spanish "hate mail" that really only said "You have my shirt." Anyway, he got all pissy and blocked me and it turned into this huge thing. Kind of like one of those grow-a-pet/girlfriend/tree/whatever things, where it gets bigger and bigger even though it's pointless? And it ended in him WRONGLY trying to correct my spelling of the word narcissist.
Thing is, it wouldn't have bugged me so much if for the past two weeks I hadn't already been thinking the entire world except a select, oh, 10 people (including parents) hated me. Whatever though, it's my personal belief that anyone who I don't actually know has not earned the right to ever hurt me and have a shot at forgiveness. Not that he apologized. Because he didn't. He sort of did, then he insulted me multiple times, hopped on a high horse, and rode into the fake-ass California sunset. That was a weird/somewhat cool metaphor.
Decision on creative arts school has still not been made, although I do think it would be really fun to go, I also really like my school. Tough choices. First I have to find out if there's one around that I like (ha!), then of course...take if from there. No harm in looking, right?
As far as writing goes, I am behind. BAD ME! But I'll um, keep up the promise to finish first drafts by new years? It's just that I've had so much homework. But now that I'm off for two and a half weeks and all I have to do is take ten pictures and read the rest of the Odyssey, it shouldn't be too bad. Yeah, I'll do that stuff tomorrow. Hehe.

2007-12-16T17:48:00.000-05:00

Blog yet again, for my mental health.

BAD JESS BAD JESS BAD JESS. Supposed to have finished outlining another one today, and I haven't even finished the whole note taking thing! JESUS. Nothing note-take-worthy even happens until book...4...for this one. WHAT THE HELL?!?!
Although I did go to PA Yule Ball last night...which was fun...and all (I could go on and on about it's awesomosity, but I just don't have the patience with myself).
URGGGH.
And the threat to change schools continues, with the same question as last week: to where, oh where? One would think the parents would be smart enough to have begun looking. After all, how are you going to FIND a school if you don't LOOK for it? What, is it going to suddenly grow out of the ground somewhere down the street? Although that would be pretty awesome, it's not going to happen. SO LOOK. Google, is smart, is nice, is free, and is easy to manipulate if you have half a brain.

Now I'm off to go work because I am a BAD BAD girl who wants to write (and whose English teacher told her she SHOULD write. Which made my life.) BUT CAN'T UNTIL SHE HAS ALL OF THE NECESSARY IDEAS BECAUSE SHE'LL JUST END UP WRITING CIRCLES AROUND STUFF AND RUSHING! BAD RUSHING! BAD!

Hello anyone who's still out there.

2007-12-12T20:39:00.000-05:00

So I've got a fair amount of crap...and I don't necessarily mean good OR bad crap...going on at the moment, but I have been writing. Or um, outlining. I really do prefer writing, but I have this need to organize my thoughts because they're very sloppy...in my head. Although I do have passages written in my head that I refuse to write down. I think it's stupid, but my brain apparently doesn't. Funny how that works.
Plus there's the whole thing with my school, but that's a really tough to explain situation, in fact, it took me two hours to explain to my parents, with help from them, but basically it came to the conclusion that I want to be creative and off-beat and weird, and the people I'm around at my school, and the type of school I go to, don't allow me to be.
Though there are certain things I absolutely love about my school, like the block scheduling, academics, and tablet PCs (y'know, the laptops you can flip the screen around on and write on? We have those). But I don't know if it overall is what's best for me. I'm smart, but I feel repressed. I can't have funny colored hair or any piercings or anything, and that's just part of my whole...well, me! It all feels monotonous...so I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I'm sure there are things I would miss, and other things I wouldn't. Pros and cons. Ugh. I hope I don't make a pro-con list. I hate when I do that (but sometimes I do anyway. I honestly think my brain has a mind of it's own...or that I have multiple personalities that fight with each other, and one is writing this blog and the other is fighting with it, but not fighting hard enough to take control.) Wow, that was a long-ass metaphor.
Love always,
Nora (remind me why I hate the name Jess? Oh, because I went on a trip today with the english class and I kept hearing my name, except it wasn't for me, because I'm a social reject and all with a total of about 5 friends...at school...)

One down...

2007-12-09T20:11:00.000-05:00

So I finished outlining one today. WOOO! 65 chapters including the epilogue. Wow, that should be interesting...and take forever, but I'll do my best. That one is the longest, I'm relatively sure. Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Also I'm in a bit of trouble because apparently I bought too much music yesterday...it was only4 albums and 3 EPs! Okay, that is a lot. Let's just say if anyone needs music recommendations, I'm yours.
ANYWAY...

I think I need a bit of an adjustment.

2007-12-02T21:39:00.001-05:00

You know, clear my head a bit. So I've done some math and realized I spend almost a third of my day on the computer on week days. Which means on weekends, it's about half of my day. Maybe this is why I'm so miserable.
So I've decided that this week, I'm going to put myself through withdrawal. What I mean is on Monday through Thursday, I only get an hour and a half. On Friday, 2 hours (hopefully I'll have some friends who are around, or I'll die) and on Saturday and Sunday, 3 hours.
Sorry Nina, but I really have to. It's just...it's important, in a way I can't come up with an explanation for, but I hope you'll understand.
On the bright side, it means I'll be able to write some more. Oh my god, was the optimism? Since when have I had any of THAT? Wow. I really do need to "center myself" or something corny like that.

Oh dear

2007-12-02T16:15:00.000-05:00

Writer's block! Worst time to have writer's block? The night before your short story is due, when you haven't started yet. It's not that I don't have ideas, it's just that my mind is...fidgety and my writing comes out clumsy and choppy. You know what I mean? I hate when that happens? Why, oh why, must my eloquence be at it's worst when it needs to be at its best?
Then again, most of you probably don't trust that I actually can write, seeing as the only thing/s you will have read that I have written is in a script format, done in 15 minutes on a sugar high. Even this post is clumsy and makes very little sense! Screw today! And it's freezing out. Not that I mind much. I'd rather it be freezing than hot.

SO life sucks...

2007-12-02T00:38:00.000-05:00

So my grandmother is in the hospital, and I've got this whole internal battle raging. Quick death right now vs. Alzheimer's. Not exactly great options.
Plus I'm just ticked off with the human race in general. Jaine won't stop talking about The Academy Is, which she knows I know absolutely NOTHING about, and she expects me to know!* UGH!
I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep. And write.
But tomorrow I get to write a 4-6 page short story. YIPEE! On Mary Queen of Scots. How lucky am I?
I hate writing things with strict guidelines. If my teacher just said "Write something 4-6 pages long" we'd be good and I'd turn in something kickass. Instead it has to be based on factual information. Blech. Factual information is boring. How imaginative can one possibly get on the subject on Mary Queen of Scots? Don't answer that.
Plus I was absent on Thursday and Friday as I have iron deficiency (shocker) and practically fell over every time I stood up. So now I have missed 7 days of school (we only get 12) and it's not even half way through the year, due to clinical depression and an inadequate iron intake. Oh joy. Dearest Mutti ranted about how I can get straight A's and not pass freshman year. So no more sick days until March.
Which, if we do have to fly on down to Florida to visit dear Gran-Mutti may complicate things a bit. Looks like I'll be repeating the freshman year. As if this all didn't suck enough. Honestly, I am brilliant (and clearly quite modest), what's it matter if I'm a few days over? Oh I will be so behind though.
Look at me, caring about my education and all. La di da.

Sick

2007-11-29T11:36:00.000-05:00

Well I had to stay home from school (again) and this would be the 6th day I've been absent this year. We get 12 before they chop your head off. Well this one isn't exactly my fault though (the other's were mostly me being tired). I have a fever, a sore throat, and my head feels like it's about to explode...or fall off because it's too heavy.

Anyway, I had two of the WEIRDEST fever dreams. I'll tell you about them later, but they were TWISTED.

I got bored...

2007-11-27T00:29:00.001-05:00

and couldn't sleep, so I made this: http://www02.quizyourfriends.com/quizpage.php?quizname=071127002824-593384

And it begins.

2007-11-26T18:15:00.000-05:00

I've begun taking notes. And the surprising thing is, I've already finished all of the notes for one fic! Weird, huh? It seems almost too soon...like it should have been more time consuming, but it wasn't. I even fact-checked on lexicon afterwards to make sure I got everything.
So I was wondering, if anyone has an opinion, should I go on to outline the chapters of the one I just took notes on, then move on, or take all of my notes and THEN outline?

Hmm...but right now I'll stick to sitting on my computer, listening to Holly Brook and singing, getting ready for dance.
And people need to stop IMing me while I'm trying to blog!

Also, I know Nina, my wonderful site partner who is amazing, prefers vlogging, but I like blogging. I can convey messages better writing than speaking. I need to go write. Inspiration struck!

I am just about...

2007-11-25T16:20:00.000-05:00

Done Deathly Hallows (well, the rereading of it). Which means once I finish I have to take notes, which with school and a moderately active social life, should take about a week or two. Then I vaguely outline my entire story, then I do chapter outlines to see how many chapters I'll be writing for each, and then I draft my first chapters.

In fact, the only common thread between the three is that they all start around the same time. That is, the end of August/beginning of September. Other than that, there really isn't anything.

SACIT: Told in 3rd person, over the course of 27 years (there will be gaps, of course).
UE: Told in 3rd person alternating perspectives by 5-7 (haven't decided yet) people, over the course of 6 years.
LW: Told in 3rd person from the perspective of one person, with 2 or 3 chapters from that of another, over the course of about 8 years.

That's all I'm telling. Unless of course you ask! I'm willing to write summaries if asked to. But no one really cares, so who am I kidding?

Creepy guy keeps being creepy, annoying kid keeps being annoying, and the world spins madly on. Also, for those who are from ff.net, I'm also posting on (omg, I already lost the link) harrypotterfanfiction.com. Thanks to Krystal Dawne.

Well then.

2007-11-15T19:28:00.000-05:00

To whoever posted the comments (I have no way of knowing who you are) thank you. Yes, I miss my fic dearly.

So anyway, I had swim team practice today...catastrophic. I swam a few laps and spent the rest of the time in the bathroom puking. How fun! Plus I think I have a fever, but I lost the thermometer and have no way of knowing. Oh well.

Deleted...

2007-11-11T19:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, my glorious Death Eater fanfic was deleted. I have to say, I'm pretty upset, that took a lot of work. If I feel up to it, maybe I'll find another not quite as OCD place to post it.

There are some things I didn't feel comfortable saying on my profile at ff.net. First off, censorship much? I've never understood why mentioning a real person was a big deal. Okay, I see where that might be a little borderline, but what the hell is wrong with writing in chat or script format? An argument could be made that scripts, plays and musicals, are as much literature as novels. So why is it not allowed? I'm well aware that this was not some great piece of art, more of a sometimes witty or funny disgrace to literature, but still, if some people enjoyed it, that should be enough for it to be allowed.

End rant. This is not the first time ff.net has deleted me for this absurd reason. The first time I ever had one of my fanfics deleted, I could honestly not find the rule I had violated. They did not tell you back then what you had done wrong. It was not in script format. I didn't have author's notes, which I realize they really don't like, but I will still occasionally add them anyway. It did not mention real people. None of that. The second was in script. I do admit that of all of the ones I've had deleted on me, this one was the most deserving. Doesn't change the fact that I really wish they hadn't.

Again, I'm sorry.

Rawr..

2007-11-08T21:54:00.000-05:00

I am, to say the least, in a really shitty mood. Not only did I absolutely fail a geometry test today, as I've been absent for the past two days and skipped about five problems out of 30, but I just finished writing a report about my uncle who died at the age of 55 almost 2 years ago. Oh, and along with the whole SADS thing, you know, where your depression worsens when the seasons change, this is so not helping. Anyway, everything just pretty much sucks. I'm going to bed. My bed is way too comfortable, it should be illegal.

Well, I do suppose...

2007-11-05T17:38:00.000-05:00

that I suck pretty much. I need to update, but haven't. Anyway, last thursday was awesome, went to the Electric Factory over in Philly for a The Academy Is... concert. The Rocket Summer was there (YAY!).
Anyway, as I said, I do need to update and anyone who actually reads this *cough* meaning no one gets to know that plan "I" will in fact be "Igloo" and involve turning the castle into a giant igloo.
Also, as far as minor ideas go, and because even though I have a feeling posting things in here is not all that revealing considering that I do this more for my health than for the benefit of others, plus no one reads it anyway, I'm starting off one of my newer works of "brilliance" with a chapter about none other than masks. Oh cliches, who cares?
But of course when it comes to marauding, I do solemnly swear a few things. As follows:
1. I solemnly swear that I will not turn Limes into some kind of Romeo-and-Juliet, or even for that matter, any other literary-based couple. Sure, I'll make them charming, but not melodramatic or sappy. Ick. I don't do sappy melodrama.
2. Sirius is not marrying/falling in love with/paying any attention to whatsoever any girls with ridiculously strange names who just so happen to be "very nice" slytherins.
3. He ain't dating Lily's best friend either. Okay, so he is, but in exposition, not during the course of my story. Sorry.
4. I am not marrying them all off. Look elsewhere if that's what you'd like to see.
5. I embrace flaws. I like flaws. Flaws are friends. Mis compadres.
I'll be sure to let you know if I think of any more.
Au revoir.

YAY!

2007-10-30T21:55:00.001-04:00

Well I finally updated. And tomorrow is Halloween! WOOT FOR THE FAVORITE HOLIDAY! Oh, and it's mischief night, so HAPPY MARAUDER'S DAY! Yeah, that's what we've christened it.
Oh, and I'm doing swim team. Something big for me. Not that I tried really hard to get on it (there weren't even tryouts) but I wanted to do a sport and am way too damn clumsy for anything else.
Well anyway, for Plan I, I'm thinking Ickis.
You know, from "Ah! Real Monsters!"? Story of my childhood, along with Warheads, the super sour candy that people placed bets around how many they could handle at once. Good times.
Au revoir.

2007-10-25T20:54:00.000-04:00

High school sucks. People suck. Life, in general, pretty much just sucks. Does the suck ever lessen? Oh I hope so. People who shall remain nameless can all go to hell. NOW. Go to hell NOW.

I need to update. If anyone actually reads this period, hello. If anyone actually reads this who reads my fics, hello again.

*sigh*

I am livid...or um, was.

2007-10-09T22:45:00.000-04:00

And today on my bus, I was reminded yet again that I still do not have a date for homecoming. I mean, sure homecoming is a month and a half away, but I was also told that "a girl going solo is just plain weird" and then he proceeded to call me "hot". Would someone like to tell me what this jackass is getting at?
But of course he'd rather stare at annoying-as-anything, let's call her, Monica. Monica, is pretty much no more than big boobs and dirty blond hair. I'm not saying I'm nothing special, I'm a C and blond! And of course about twenty times smarter than this girl. But she's...I guess it's like I always say, it has to do with how you carry yourself.
I'm not ugly, that much I know..not flat either...or stupid...but honestly, I guess I just don't possess this gene that gives certain girls this...enchanting hold over people, and I can't sacrifice my self respect for popularity. Not that I have much in the way of self respect, I pretty much just act like I do.
Back to fanfiction, it keeps me sane. Currently in the process of rereading book 1 (yay!). Ideas...hmmm...so many of them I'm sure that my head has already become so crowded that I've forgotten some. I knew I should have just written all of them down as soon as they popped into my head...but my stubborn self refused to even brainstorm before rereading. STUPID GIRL! Once I actually start posting my writing on the internet (which, mind you, I must begin writing first) I'll post pictures of how I envision the characters, certain outfits (dresses particularly), and places. I love to do that.
Smooches,
Jess.

Oh Boredom

2007-10-06T14:23:00.000-04:00

As usual, there are a number of things I could and should be doing, such as my geometry homework and English assignment. Or even randomly browsing the internet. But as usual, I sit here and whine about how bored I am. Fun. My joyous sister is on a road trip, this is cause for celebration. It's quite peaceful. I need to update, and the "I don't have a plan H!" excuse isn't going to work, because I've had it for months. Argh. I'm frustrating myself. Also the people on that one site STILL have not answered me about the banner thingy. I don't know how to do it, so sue me, and I did spend about an hour looking through the help forum, nothing.
Stupid friends with their stupid soccer tournaments. IS MY SANITY NOT IMPORTANT? Yeah I know, I'm selfish and conceited, blah, blah, blah.
Also, random, but is it supposed to be "whoa" or "woah"? I've never been sure.

So I realized...

2007-09-28T22:05:00.000-04:00

Today I came to the shocking conclusion that I had, in fact, made a blog, when I honestly have no idea what it is I'm supposed to put in this blog! What, do I tell you everything I do? But I have to say, I've always liked the idea of blogging. And now I am writing a blog about how I have no idea what to put in a blog.
To be honest, I'm bored. Bored with myself. With working on my site. With everything but writing, but I REFUSE to allow myself to write before rereading! What am I talking about? The meaning of life. Aside from fun dip(a joke, of course).